From Reaction to Connection: How to Communicate Without Wounding
When You're Tired of Reacting: A Gentle Introduction to Nonviolent Communication
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling misunderstood, ashamed, or like you didn’t really say what you meant?
Or worse… like you did say what you meant, but it came out in a way that created more distance than connection?
You’re not alone.
And there’s a way to communicate with honesty and compassion, without losing yourself, your needs, or your clarity.
It’s called Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and it’s changed the way I speak, listen, and navigate emotionally charged moments.
What Is Nonviolent Communication?
NVC is a 4-part framework developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg that helps us express ourselves without blame or shame, and listen in a way that builds trust.
It’s built on four steps:
Observation – What actually happened (without judgment)?
Feeling – How do you feel about it?
Need – What need is underneath that feeling?
Request – What would you like to happen next?
Example:
❌ Instead of:
“You never listen to me. You’re so selfish.”
✅ Try:
“When I saw you checking your phone during our conversation (observation),
I felt hurt and disconnected (feeling),
because I really need to feel heard and considered (need).
Would you be open to putting your phone away next time we’re talking? (request)”
It might sound overly formal at first, but this structure is less about “getting it right” and more about slowing down the automatic pattern of blame, defense, or shutting down.
Why It Matters
The way we communicate is directly tied to how we think and feel.
Thoughts shape our emotions.
Emotions shape our tone and behavior.
Behavior shapes our relationships.
When you learn to speak from the inside out… with clarity about what’s really going on… it changes everything.
You stop reacting from old wounds.
You start expressing your needs without guilt.
You learn to hold someone else’s truth without abandoning your own.
A Few Tips to Practice NVC in Daily Life:
Start with yourself. Try journaling in the 4-step format before a hard convo.
Get curious, not critical. Behind every emotion is a need.
Want to go deeper?
I’m releasing a new podcast episode this week on exactly this:
How Nonviolent Communication helps us navigate big feelings, speak our truth, and build connection.
🎧 18. How Nonviolent Communication helps us navigate big feelings, speak our truth, and build connection.
Or book a 1:1 tarot or somatic coaching session if you're moving through something and need grounded, compassionate support.
